Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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