Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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