The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
