Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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