I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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