And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
