I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
