My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
