sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
