Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
