i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
