I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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