Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
