she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We have started to decorate penises.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
