your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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