You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
