If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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