It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
