Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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