You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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