If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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