you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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