you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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