I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i now understand why vodka
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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