its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
