I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
be right there i have to get my cape
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