Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
