Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
