fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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