I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
