We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
