Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize