Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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