Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
