yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
