wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
