um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
