oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
PANTIES FOUND
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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