nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
