So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
