we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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