the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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