I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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