We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
