They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
