y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
