I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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