Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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