Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
