I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
