her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
