I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
