Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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