grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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