farters have to be the big spoon...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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