Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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