I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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