You're so nebulous sometimes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
