well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
