I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
