It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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