i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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