no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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