I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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