he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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