last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
